Daddy’s Girl

daddys-little-girl

This weekend my Dad saved my sanity.

Sadly I was losing it over a guy of all things. I was completely disappointed in myself. When I’m disappointed in myself I act the accuser, victim and persecutor all at the same time. Not only was I feeling down over the guy I was also chastising myself for even feeling down, then doling out punishments for the same. Least to say my mind and emotions were in chaos and my sanity was quickly leaving. I can’t blame it. I would’ve left too.

This is when my White Knight arrived. My Dad is a quiet force. Steady in his presence, unassuming, yet forceful when he has a point to make. He doesn’t waste time wondering about maybes. Unlike myself that can spend hours if not days on making a decision. It was Sunday, and i was sprawled lackadaisically on my favorite couch. My phone was strategically out of sight. However most of my thoughts were directed at it and its stubbornly dark screen. “Woe is me!” my sighs said. My arms drooped, my body cast as if a willow lay their instead of a woman. So when my Dad came to see me, his obvious concern was not misplaced. He and I don’t have a relationship where i chat with him about my personal issues. Least of all matters of the heart. I remember the first time he said he loved me… It was my first year in college. I almost dropped the phone in confusion. Was that a wrong number?

We have an understanding he and I. No need to voice all sorts of mushiness… it all goes without needing to be said. This Sunday, However I was in such a state that my usual qualms seemed irrelevant. My Dad became my Daddy again. I told him what the big bad guy had done. Keeping to the facts as much as possible. He listened quietly nodding and shaking his head now and then. When i was done, I was spent but relieved that I’d been able to share my problem with someone I knew cared about me. His head was down in thought. Then he looked up, his bifocals hiding his eyes for a moment.

“delete him”

As simple as that. My very direct Dad had cut through all the layers of my story to the main point. The guy was no good for me nor was he deserving of anymore of my time. So i did. delete him.

Thank You Daddy

Me

Another Blog :: Attempt 2

I once had a blog…

I wrote about everything and absolutely nothing. Spinning lyrical words that sounded lovely and deep… almost musical. It was as if i wanted to pull out as much emotions as i could in each and every post. Breaking hearts, mending wounds, laughing at beautiful moments, sighing at tender ones… this is how i lived in my words. Every letter embodied drama either real or created. LOVE… HATE… PASSION. Yes in all caps as if i was shouting them at my readers. As few as they were I wanted to own them. Make them my own flesh and blood… so they felt what i felt. Even Anonymous shed tears with me, loved me and screamed with me. I was known for drama. A passing glance from a stranger became a searing gaze. A seemingly accidental brush from a bus rider – a passionate caress. I lived in a world of heightened senses – steamy embraces, fights erupting fiercer than Mt. Vesuvius, and declarations of love an ode to epic romance.

Now its 2011. I’m older now. I would like to think wiser and a bit more sensible. However my “sensibilities” have brought me mediocrity and a grey landscape. I live in grey and neutral colors. Where is that girl that dyed her hair orange just for the heck of it? That wore one glove before she even knew who MJ was? No i do not want to return to all my prior antics or naiveté. A return of my passionate self is what I want. The drama that colored even the most minor things i did. Maybe not as intense as it once was but a more mature version of it all would be greatly welcomed. This blog is my second attempt. A blog documenting my journey… to reclaiming – ME. I smile as i write that. ME – feels like LOVE.HEART.WARMTH.

I am ready.

Until my words meet you again,

Joy